1981 Topps Tournament -- Round of 16, Match 8
Here's your final Sweet 16 matchup. I will allow the tallies to grow
for a few days before moving on to the quarterfinal matchups. Between
now and then, I'll add a few surprises to this blog. Stay tuned, and
keep leaving the comments. Without your votes there can be no
champion. Here we go.
Seed #8 Steve Trout (#552)
I suppose everyone knew this one was coming. It has all the elements
of a great card:
Aviator sunglasses?
Check.
Sweaty, matted hair pasted to forehead?
Check.
Breathable, cotton/poly jersey?
Check.
Ladies and gentlemen, the incomprable...Steve Trout.
--------------------VS.--------------------
Seed #9 Manny Sanguillen (#226)
Your first instinct was that a Topps photographer caught Manny
mid-chuckle, but that would be where you went wrong. No, Manny was not
laughing, he's actually doing a bit of bragging.
Bragging about what, you ask? You might think he's giving Dave Parker
the business about Parker's inability to use Dento-tape, but you would
be wrong again. Manny Sanguillen is bragging about girth and length.
Nothing more. Don't ask how I know this, I just do.
Posted by Thorzul at 3:39 PM 3 comments
Labels: 1981 Topps Showdown
Saturday, September 8, 2007
1981 Topps Tournament -- Round of 16, Match 7
Seed #7 Ross Grimsley (#170)
The Cleveland Indians made a great move during the summer of 1980,
getting the upper hand in a trade with notoriously shrewd Expos owner
Jim Henson and acquiring a Muppet named Ross Grimsley in the process.
Although Montreal gave up quite a lot in the deal, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
never quite matched the eye-popping stats that Grimsley put up,
including an 18 SO/24 BB ratio and a scintillating 6.75 ERA.
To tell the truth, this guy looks a lot like that one guy who always
shows up in Adam Sandler movies, only after he spent a year in the
mountains with only a shovel, a blanket, and a creek from which to
drink. I guess he was acquired to help fill in the cavernous spaces in
Cleveland's Municipal Stadium.
--------------------VS.--------------------
Seed #10 Bobby Bonds (#635)
It's "Battle of the Mountain Men" today.
Either that, or Bonds just got finished playing a crackhead at a "Say
No to Drugs" kickoff carnival.
On a related note, check out the movie "Derailed," featuring Clive
Owen and Jennifer Aniston. Bobby Bonds is referenced by one of the
supporting characters.
Posted by Thorzul at 8:46 AM 4 comments
Labels: 1981 Topps Showdown, unkempt
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
1981 Topps Tournament -- Round of 16, Match 6
Damn, this is a great matchup! It's like a real 6/11 game in the NCAA
tournament, except it's more like a 3/4 game that somehow got
scheduled for the first round.
Seed #6 Pete Redfern (#714)
"He's sittin' on 714..."
Alright, let me level with you all. I am a Brewers fan. Yeah, I know,
not a lot to cheer about since I was, like, four, but near and dear to
me. My girlfriend (fiance, now) hails from the bustling metropolis of
St. Paul, Minnesota, making her, geographically, a Twins fan (though
mostly converted to the Brewers, as long as they are not direct
adversaries).
This arrangement allows me to converse with her, in limited fashion,
about old Twins stuff. Most of it is easy, like reminiscing about '87
and '91. I must admit I was quite the Kirby fan back in the day.
Here's a direct-as-possible transcript from our conversation about
this card:
Me: Hey, check out this guy.
Her: Hm?
Me: Yeah, did you know that the Twins had a guy named Pete Redfern?
Her: No.
Me: And did you know he had beautiful blue eyes?
Her: No, I didn't know that. (Insert insincere cooing here.)
Great shot, great mystified, yet forward thinking expression.
--------------------VS.--------------------
Seed #11 Britt Burns (#412)
This card was chosen because, as everyone can see, Britt is expecting.
The White Sox uniforms that year came in maternity sizes. Thankfully,
his ankles make no appearance on this card.
Posted by Thorzul at 5:54 PM 4 comments
Labels: 1981 Topps Showdown
Monday, September 3, 2007
1981 Topps Tournament -- Round of 16, Match 5
Happy Labor Day everyone! Let's get down to business.
Seed #5 Mike Ramsey (#366)
Mike earns high seeding because of his choice in headwear. Not
surprisingly, forward baseball caps topped by backwards batting
helmets became trendy apparel among impressionable youth for a period
of five months or so in the greater St. Louis area. Unknown, however,
is whether Ramsey was able to solve "The Case of the
Westchesterfordshire Abbey Haunting," or if the boys at Scotland Yard
were able to beat him to the punch. "Elementary, my dear
Whitey...er...Watson!"
--------------------VS.--------------------
Seed #12 Al Hrabosky (#636)
Al Hrabosky: Well, I lost my temper and I took a knife and I uh-. Do
you know those "Do Not Remove Under the Penalty of Law" labels they
put on mattresses?
Pee-Wee: Yeah.
Al Hrabosky: Well I CUT one of them off!
Wow, meanest-looking emmer-effer in MLB history. All I'm sayin' is,
check the crawlspace.
"You don't want to get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner. A
rebel."
Posted by Thorzul at 6:07 PM 5 comments
Labels: 1981 Topps Showdown
Saturday, September 1, 2007
1981 Topps Tournament -- Round of 16, Match 4
Seed #4 Lonnie Smith (#317)
The patchiness of Lonnie's hamburger meat beard is the highlight of
this card, and should make it hard to beat in this round. I considered
showing the area in question in greater detail and size, but I'd
rather not inflict that upon any sensitive viewers.
--------------------VS.--------------------
Seed #13 Renie Martin (#452)
Apparently today's matchup pits bad facial hair against bad teeth. The
only way I can picture Renie Martin in the present is in the role of a
strange old man whose house most kids skip on Halloween. Those brave
enough to ring his doorbell are given a large handful of the most
bizarre, out-of-date, foreign-produced candies imaginable (but not
before a loopy, lisped warning, something like, "Take as many as you
want, kiddies, but look what candy did to me!") This smile may haunt
my dreams.
On a side note, doesn't "Renie Martin" sound like it should be the
name of a mixed drink? "Bartender, I'll have a Tom Collins and she'll
have a Renie Martin."
No comments:
Post a Comment